


appearing unsightly, with devils inside of me

by astral_dreams



Series: change your name, or change your mind, just leave this fucked up place behind [1]
Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Amnesiac Doug Eiffel, Angst, Banter, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Finale, Pre-Relationship, can you tell who i kin, first time writing for wolf 359!, for now, its very hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26924350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astral_dreams/pseuds/astral_dreams
Summary: It was late.It was always late wasn’t it. That’s when the thoughts started flowing, the old brain juices started working. Doug hated it.Why couldn’t he just sleep for once?--Doug does some late night thinking.
Relationships: Doug Eiffel & Hera, Doug Eiffel/Daniel Jacobi
Series: change your name, or change your mind, just leave this fucked up place behind [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964560
Kudos: 30





	appearing unsightly, with devils inside of me

**Author's Note:**

> im back on ao3 after a while and for the first time with my jacobi/eiffel brainrot.  
> it just never leaves my head.
> 
> tw: self deprication and all the stuff that comes with that.  
> this has a lot of self projection on my end so be warned.

It was late.

It was always late wasn’t it. That’s when the thoughts started flowing, the old brain juices started working. Doug hated it.

Why couldn’t he just sleep for once?

It’s not like he had anything to really think about. His memory was shit, him only having the last few months of memories to go off of, most of them unpleasant thanks to the… ‘divorcing’ process from Goddard. After they had landed, they had been taken in for questioning and testing and had been only barely let out.

Doug was honestly thankful enough that none of his companions really seemed to trust Goddard enough to tell them anything, even though now Reneé and Lovelace were trying to sue Goddard for what they were worth.

Miranda was in the same position as him, but had taken to spending a lot of time alone reading books as none of the others really thought to approach her. They seemed… hesitant around her, which left Doug confused. She was nice, why were they treating her differently?

He tried not to think about it.

Instead his thoughts turned to the last two members of their ‘squad’. Hera and Jacobi, Daniel?, no. Jacobi. 

Hera was amazing. Doug had decided this within a week of actually getting to know her outside of Goddard’s lab. She was patient with him, if not a bit strained, and was the main one helping him get acquainted with who he used to be. She almost seemed… excited by the prospect of him becoming who he used to be. Doug isn’t sure how to feel about that. He’s not quite sure he likes who he used to be. He’s really rude.

To be honest, Doug really isn’t too sure how to feel about how most of the other are acting towards him. They’re all… awkward. Like he’s missing something that used to be there and they keep expecting it. He misses out on their natural banter, references, shared grievings. There are names he doesn’t know the face too, comments he doesn’t know the stories behind. But he should.

Jacobi’s probably the most tense around him. He seems to be the most tense in general, not that the others were winning any relaxation awards. He doesn’t come by where Doug is staying with Reneé, her husband and the other two. When he does, he’s still the snarky and brooding man that Doug had seen in the labs and in snippets in between, but every now and again a darker shadow seems to pass over his face - usually regarding a ‘Kepler’ - and it leaves Doug feeling disconnected. Just like every other time he doesn’t understand what the fuck is happening.

The other’s know, and can respect whatever it is that happened, but Doug is left to blubber in the dark until he eventually messes something up and they leave him behind. It hasn’t happened yet - but soon enough they’ll see that he isn’t who they knew and he doesn’t think he could be.

So Doug stays quiet and stays out - something that apparently makes the others concerned. He doesn’t understand, and doesn’t really try to. He can’t shut people out, but at this point sometimes he doesn’t know how else to deal with things. It’s not like he has much to shut out.

For reasons beyond the capacity of his tired brain to understand, Doug’s thoughts circle back to Jacobi. He never thought of himself as a romantic - he somehow has a kid, a fact that he does not understand - but he doesn’t know how else to classify whatever he’s feelings as.

Jacobi is… captivating. Doug feels like it would be dumb to explain to anyone, but he really is. He’s gruff and just the definition of tough love and honestly Doug doesn’t know why he can never seem to get the courage to just.. Talk to him. Just talk to the bastard. 

Not that he ever would.

Instead he only watches from afar and tries to put back together the shambles of what is his life. Rewatching movies with the others, listening to the video tapes on repeat, trying to get a semblance of what he used to be like. There’s so much, it keeps him occupied, so much so that he consumes it in mass portions until he’s worn out and can only focus on smaller, if not as complicated topics in his head.

It’s times like those, times like now, where he lets himself think. Lets himself wonder. What it would be like if he could actually get himself together. Become who he used to be. Be who his friends need again. Maybe be more for some of them.

For now he groans and gets out of his badly made bed and stumbles down to their kitchen. The bright green clock above the microwave reads 2:53 AM and on his way to the cupboard is someone standing by the counter. Jacobi.

Great.

Doug tries to cover his awkwardness by maneuvering to grab a glass and fill it up with water. Something safe. Something normal.

He spills the water as soon as he sets it down. 

“Good going there, dumbass,” Jacobi comments from the side.

A quick glare confirms that there is a smirk on that stupidly handsome face, there is amusement from Doug’s pain. The bastard.

“Oh shut it. I just wanted some water. ‘Ts not my fault the glass is… slippery.”

“Mhm. Oh yeah, sure buddy. Whatever you say.”

Doug was quiet for a second.

“...Rough night?”

Jacobi looked over to the side.

“Eh. I’ve had rougher. You?”

Doug looked away too. “...Yeah.”

“That’s rough buddy.”

Doug glared over at Jacobi before trying to chug his water, choking on it, before just. Walking backwards out the kitchen. All the while glaring at Jacobi, who was just smirking in amusement.

God damn he was a fool. 


End file.
